its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
