No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
