If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
