bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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