I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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