I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
