If i come over, it means nothing
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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