I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
