you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize