brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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