I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
