Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
