im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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