ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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