Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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