She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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