I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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