If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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