btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
