she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize