I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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