we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
