i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
