I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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