"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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