loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's great music for shaving your balls
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
