Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize