hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
