I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
