you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
