angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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