no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
3pm strippers are depressing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
NoShamevember. You game?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
