mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
