Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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