im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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