The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
