She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
