he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
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Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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