I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
