i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
