I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
