And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
