I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize