he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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