Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
