i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Floor bacon is actually really good
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
