so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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