Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
