Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
