I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we made out on top of his cat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just want to make out with him forever
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
