So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
