He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
