first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
