Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He shit in the fireplace
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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