my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
