True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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