so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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