my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
