96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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