Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
