he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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