I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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